MUSING #18 : Intention over Expectation

Muse:

Speaking with my therapist about my growing frustration as I spend time writing each day, but feel that there hasn’t been much progress in the work. She reminded me to put my intention before ‘the story’ (aka my expectations) I tell myself about the work.

Musing: 

With approaching deadlines for writing competitions that I hope to submit to, I feeling frustrated that my writing projects are not closer to being finished (as in they’re not even in a complete first draft state yet). In the case of my screenplay, I’ve hit a bit of a block, going from multiple solid scenes finished each week to feeling stuck on the same section over the past month. I spoke with my therapist about it this evening, at the end of a day that felt productive, yet there’s not much word can’t to show for it. That conversation quickly led to my concerns that if I can’t pump out pages and pages of prose or multiple scenes for my script on a daily bases, how am I ever going to be a professional writer? 

My therapist quickly talked me down, reminding me that is just a story I tell myself, one that most people get stuck in often.... that if I don’t do this, then this wont happen. She reminded me that those expectations are just going to put pressure on the process, which in time blocks it completely. Instead, I need to remind myself the true reason I do the work. My intentions. These include 1) using creativity to observe and question the world, with the hopes of making positive changes 2) being open about myself and my perspectives through the written word that can then engage with others 3) Having fun and creating joy for myself and others by allowing creative energy to flow through me. My intention for these projects have never been ‘To submit to a competition and get super famous!” For those steps are part of the story that creatives are told must happen for their work to be worth doing. When in truth, the process alone is why it’s worth engaging the a creative practice each day. Within that process we find far more valuable things than fame. We find ourselves. I know that sounds very cheesy, but I’ve found some of the purest truths are Gouda and simple. 

So why do I even want to submit to the competitions if my years of writing and therapy have awaken me to the importance of craft over fame? Because as I said before, it’s important that my work engage with other people. And the unfortunately truth is that it’s very hard to do that on you’re own. Impossible? No. But I am not a marketing person, or some social media magician. I’m pretty sure no one is even reading this ‘blog’! But I still put it out there in hopes of interested eyes finding it and connecting to what I have to say. That is my hope for the competitions as well. The my stories and perspectives speak to the judges, who would then open doors for other people to be exposed to and connect with the ideas woven within my work. Before that happens, however, I need to let the process happen on it’s own terms. Led by my intentions for the work, not the expectation of where it’ll go. One lets the process happen naturally with no pressure. The other sparks only pressure, with an idea of perfection that can never be obtained.