MUSE: My increasing physical pain and feeling of unwell.
MUSING:
These are hard times, for everyone in many different ways. People are struggling with work, loosing loved ones, battling diseases, fearing their wellbeing in their own communities, and fighting for a future that is unknown. I feel beyond blessed and lucky that I have parents who’ve allowed me to live with them outside while COVID spreads across the world. Though I am isolated from a lot of what is happening, I do my best to stay informed and involved. Because of my increasing mental and physical struggles, however, I have not been as involved as I would like. I thought that taking some time to support myself though my depression would help, but as the year has passed the depression has worsened and so has my physical health in the form of chronic back pain and increasing stomach issues. For a while I assumed my physical health was decreasing because of the depression and stress. But recently I’ve considered the opposite - could a physical issue be causing my depression?
My stomach issues got to a point that I could no longer ignore. Before COVID-19, one may have simply scheduled an appointment and gotten to the bottom of the problem. Doctors have always been amazing warriors in my eyes, who put other people’s needs and wellbeing first. At this time they are going above and beyond, but also need to stay safe for their patients, families, and themselves. So rightfully so, they are not wanting patients coming in as they used to. So virtual appointments have now become the first step. This truly is the year of communication via screens. I appreciate them taking these precautions, but not everything can be done via phones and computers. I’ve already needed to go in for bloodwork, a seemingly simple process done by cheerful and warm hearted practitioners, but still I felt nervous. What if I was bring COVID into their center? What I was getting it by going in? Was this even worth it, or was I just feeling unwell by all the stress and fear of getting or spreading the virus? All reasonable questions, but that doesn’t change the fact that there could be something seriously wrong, and it must be handled now. And I must handle it, while taking precautions and following the protocols. And doing my best to keep the amazing medical professionals stay safe.