MUSING #15 : thINK

MUSE: Watching Tattoo Fixers and considering the next tattoos I would like. 

MUSING: Tattoos have become an important process and gift to myself over the last four years. I started small, with a single music note (8th note) on my left wrist. I’d drawn the note in black ink for years, but finally made it permanent after getting into grad school. I felt my life was making a positive shift and I wanted the music note as a reminded to stay up beat and follow the music of my heart (yes cheesy but still meaningful). My next tattoo idea came to me about a year later, after I’d been at school and experienced a painful end to a roommate/friendship situation. I felt hurt and betrayed and wanted to get a tattoo that reminded me to focus on positives in and around me. I’d been considering a hamsa (a hand symbol, often with the evil eye) since traveling to Israel on Birthright, which is used specifically to ward off bad energy and attract good energy when the fingers are facing downwards. I ended up getting an art nouveau ‘stained glass window’ hamsa on my chest while in Edinburgh for the Edinburgh Fringe, and have since been able to use the tattoo as a centering spot during meditation. 

A little over a year after that I finished my MFA and gifted myself a quill on my right wrist as a symbol of becoming a writer... I’ve been writing for years but felt I had truly committed to it through my graduate work. It ends up, however, that the quill is actually a feather since the artist included the twirly fuzzy bit at the end. Apparently quills always have that shaved down. But it now feels appropriate that it is a feather as I am and always will be a writer in progress, and it reminds me to be free like a bird (again very cheesy, I’m not sorry). Lastly, about a year ago, I designed a tattoo with a friend in NYC who then inked it onto my left forearm while in her apartment. The image is circular, with half being the sun and the other half the moon. they are split by a line of fluffy clouds, creating a yin yang of sorts. From the sun are lines and dots for rays of light, while lines and dots surround the moon side to create a message in Morse code: ‘We Are One Love.’  To make it even more complicated, there is a line from Taoist text between the lines and dots, going all the way around the sun/moon. It states: ‘Using the shining radiance, you return again to the light.’ I absolutely love this tattoo, and every time I look at it I am reminded how far I’ve come, the endless cycle that we’re all apart of, and how much more light I have to shine. 

And now I am itching for my next tattoo. I started doodling an idea involving the four triangles that stand for the elements. However, I feel this is an idea I still have to work up to, once I’ve reached a level of understanding and self growth from my research into mysticism and ancient practices. But another idea started buzzing around my brain... a bee! The idea first came because I considered tattooing the phrase ‘Just Be’ but I wasn’t sure if I just wanted words. Once I considered the bee to represent the message, I realized it would also represent me living my life to the fullest since I am allergic to bees and could be stung at anytime. Then a couple of months ago I joined an amazing writers group, which we have started calling THE HIVE and continuously make jokes about us all being Queen Bees. The group really is like a hive, in that we work together and support each other to create sweet honey (aka scripts). Once I told them I was considering a Bee tattoo, everyone else wanted one! So now it may gain more meaning as a sign of this amazing group of women that have helped each other through one of the hardest years of our lives. 

But that’s not all. Just this week I’ve started thinking of another idea, one that could be combined with the bee. I had read a person’s long twitter post about people-pleasers being ‘a fawn type’ and that made me consider the symbolisms of fawns/deers. I looked it up and what I found really spoke to me. One website stated the deer as representing: Gentleness, Kindness, Compassion, Innocence, Motherhood, Grace, Femininity, Swiftness, Peace, Subtlety, Adventure, Psychic Power, Awareness, Renewal, Acceptance, Connection to Spirit. These are all attributes I associate with myself or aim to embody. I also read that when a deer appears in your life, it’s time to question if you are forcing anything, from yourself and others, and if you can live life more gently and with awareness. I have been trying to live in that exact way, without force and through a spiritual connection to the natural flow. Apparently when they appear the deer are symbols of an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors. This made me think back to the start of the summer when I was in Vermont and a deer with it’s fawn came multiple times to the meadow outside my family’s house. I’ve thought about them many times since leaving Vermont, and have felt the need to return partly to see them again. So now I am considering getting a deer tattoo, probably in an Art Nouveau style with the sun or flowers framing it’s face as it looks up towards a friendly bee. I’m excited to think about it further, creating the image in mind, and eventually work with an artist to bring the idea to life on my skin.