MUSING #11 : Physical vs Mental Well-being

MUSE: My choice to travel to England during a Pandemic, which put my physical health at risk but helped me to better my mental health. 

MUSING: Two weeks ago, I made the daunting and possibly risky journey from my family home in New England to the real England in order to be with my Fiancé Charlie. We have been doing long-distance for a year and a half, but had never been apart for longer than 2 months, until 2020. Because of COVID, we had not seen in each other in 5 months and the distance was really getting to us. Like everyone, I felt consumed by fear and anxiety because of the state of the world, but I also couldn’t be with the one person that brought me comfort. I acknowledge that this is similar to what other’s are going through when loved ones have COVID and they can’t be with them as they battle for their lives. My heart goes out to everyone who’s suffering at the hand of this virus. 

For my situation, there appeared a window of opportunity for us to be together. Non-American citizens are still not allowed to enter the States, but the UK is allowing others to enter as long as they quarantine for 2 weeks. In July there was talk of the EU opening up, except to Americans (since our case numbers and death toll are so high... clearly America is fucking up... a musing for another time). It was unclear if the UK would be part of this ban, since they are still in transition to BREXIT. Fearing that it would be another 5 months, or even a year till I’d be able to be with my fiancé, I decided to take the risk of flying internationally to spend a couple months in the UK. 

To be clear, it wasn’t just that I missed him. I battle daily with depression and anxiety, and I truly felt I needed to be with my partner to get a handle on my mental health. So the question I had to pose was : am I willing to risk my physical health (risk getting COVID) for the betterment of my mental health. And to me the answer was a clear yes. Of course part of my personal equation is the fact that I’m thirty years old, so statistically I am not at high risk of dying from COVID. But I did feel at risk of falling into a deep depression, which also puts my life in danger. I also considered the risk I’d make for other people. Luckily I’d been living in an isolated place with my parents, so I felt confident I wouldn’t be spreading the virus during my travels. And I’d secured an airbnb at my destination, so I could keep the two week quarantine. So I didn’t feel I was putting anyone else at risk, just myself. 

I think it’s worth commenting on the travel itself. I had been preparing myself for the worst trip of my life. I expected to be poked and prodded at the Boston Airport with tests to make sure I wasn’t traveling with a fever or other symptoms. I’d also expected to be surrounded by other travelers, possibly some who didn’t care to wear their masks during the flight (even though it is required). I imagined spending hours on the other end to get through customs, possibly detained and questioned, and worse case scenario sent back to the States because my reason for entering the country wasn’t good enough. Luckily, none of this happened. It was actually one of the EASIEST trips from Boston to London that I’ve every experienced. There was basically no one in the airport (and very few international flights were even scheduled) so security was quick, the passengers were spread out on the plane, and everyone respected the mask rule. Once in England, customs was fast and basically the same as usual, expect for one thing: rather than fill out a physical landing card on the plane, we were required to fill a form online before getting on the flight. Super easy! 

Back to the main point: my decision to risk my physical health for my mental health. When I was isolating in the States, I could feel my mental health diminish each day.  I was overwhelmed by constant anxiety, the building unknowns, and the frustration of being apart from the person that knows how to support me during my darkest moments. I felt helpless and hopeless, as many people do all over the world. But I saw an opportunity to do something about it and a chance to take control of my situation. So I did. I’m beyond thankful I didn’t get sick in the process, but even if I had I think it would have been the right choice. We all are suffering at this time, and feel like our lives and futures are out of our control. So when you find a moment to take back control, I urge you to consider the risks, consider how you can protect yourself and others, and do what you need to for your overall well-being.