MUSING #10 : Dinner Time Quarrels

MUSE: an argument I just had with my Father about…. eating with my fingers. Yes, in this time of BLM, Trump corruption and Idiocy, and a world-wide pandemic, eating with ones fingers was a point of argument between two adults...

MUSING:

My parents have always been strict table etiquette people. From a young age I can remember them correcting my siblings and my posture, reminding us to take our elbows off the table, and to never use our fingers to eat the food... unless its in the category of chicken wings and fries. Whether we were at home or eating out, they’d watch us like hawks and swoop down on any mistake we made. I remember waitresses commenting on how polite and well mannered we were. We knew to say ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ when ordering and receiving food. Even every time that our water glass was refilled. We were in many ways well trained. 

Now that I am an adult, and living with my parents during COVID, I have many dinner with them at which I’ve noticed a lot has shifted. No longer do my parents keep their elbows off the table. My dad happily bites into something delicious and right away starts talking about what he saw on the news... with his mouth full (a crime not tolerated at the family dinners of my youth). It seems as if anything goes, so silly me thought I could eat around them as I would with my friends... with manners but not a stick up my butt. 

So there we were, eating a lovely dinner of Risotto and salmon that my Mom made, and a salad/slaw that I made. All was going good, great even cause the food was so yummy. I was chatting with my parents about current events, my plans, and having some laughs when suddenly my Dad goes ‘Don’t use your fingers’, which I had been to get some risotto on my fork. I chuckled at first, thinking he was kidding. But he said it again. “Don’t use your fingers.’ I take a moment to eat the perfect bite that my fingers has helped prepare on the fork. Then I replied, calmly, that I was an adult and I was going to use my fingers if I wanted to. “But don’t worry dad, you still taught me well. And if we were at a nice restaurant I would not be using my fingers like this.” Truthfully, I may have sad this with a little sass, or a hint of sarcasm, but the purpose was that of defusing and playfulness. I felt no need to argue, especially now. I even mentioned to him that he had started to become lax on the table manners, having multiple times spoken with his mouth full. He responded, almost defensively ‘well if I do that then tell me not to!” But that wasn’t my point, I explained. It’s that we are all adults and can eat how we want, especially since we aren’t bothering anyone while doing so. ‘Well it bothers me’ he insisted, not caring that I was suggesting we just allow each other to live how we want. His voice become hard and stern, so I decided to exit the situation, leaving my mother to deal with his oncoming tantrum. I left annoyed, and shocked that the use of my fingers would bother him so much. 

And it’s also shocking that this is what I’ve decided to write about. But even in this time of grief, fear, and global change, the little things between loved one can really affect us. We need to treat each other with patience and kindness. This is not the time to push each other’s buttons and bring up old grievances. We need to come together, for family meals if possible, and recharge in love and appreciation. And hopefully tomorrow, once my Dad has had the evening to reflect on his actions towards me, we can come together and move forward.