MUSING #39 - Edit Time

MUSE: Returning to my SILENT CAL script for another round of edits.

MUSING: It had been about three months since I finished my feature script and submitted it to competitions. In that time I have written two pilot scripts, and the feature made it to the Semi-Finalist round for the Los Angeles International Screenwriting Awards. That was one of three competitions that I paid extra for the reader’s notes. I am now in the process of making edits to the script based on those notes and the editing suggestions outlined in “Save the Cat.”

The notes I receives varied in opinion of my script but did share a few points worth paying attention to. And some points I’m ignoring. An important lesson for every writer is to learn how to sort through feedback. Just because a note is given to you doesn’t mean you have to act on it. The readers had many notes, but there is one set that made it clear one reader did not actually understand what was happening, or worse, they didn’t actually read the entire script. I have to ask myself “Was the scene not clear enough? Why were they confused there? How can I make it better?” Or I acknowledge that they didn’t do a good job of reading it and I can ignore the note completely. An example: the reader referenced an Act One scene during which women’s rights are discussed, but they refers to the characters from the opening scene as the one’s having the debate… but those characters were not at all in the scene being discussed. The names/characters do not overlap in those scenes, so clearly they were just skimming the pages and did not read it clearly. Therefore their notes about the characters in that scene (which they were not) can be ignored and I can just feel a bit frustrated that they did not do their job very well rather than waste time trying to edit based on that note. 

There were a few points that all three readers gave, which mean I need to take those notes seriously. They all felt that Calvin’s goal was not clear enough, at the beginning and throughout. In the version they read, I attempted to outline his goal as : make his family proud and help other people. I stated it through other people’s suggestions to him, and it’s a pretty abstract goal, so I totally understand why it isn’t coming across. So I am now making that goal clearer with three other goals. First, when Calvin is going to school, he’s goal manifests as him selling clothing and accessories at school, therefore making money as an independent businessman which he believes will make his father proud. But it doesn’t make them proud and rather creates a disconnect with his family. Then his sister inspires him to choose a life of service, and he sets the goal of becoming a lawyer. He succeeds and is doing well, but still feels there is more he can do. At this point his girlfriend Grace brings up the idea of becoming Governor of Massachusetts, and that becomes his next goal. Later on, after he is Governor, he meets President Wilson and is appalled by his power-hungry attitude. I am adding a bit were the President’s assistant mentions that Calvin would make a better President, one that doesn’t use people like pawns, and Calvin adapts that as his new goal. And eventually he does reach that goal. An issue I am facing, however, is the fact that he doesn’t directly make this happen. While he’s work lands him the Vice President position, it is fate stepping in with the death of President Harding that has Calvin reach his final goal. And that makes him a passive protagonist. Overall my protagonist is on the passive side. This is a consequence of him not speaking in the film, but rather observing/learning from others, or his decisions/progress being shown through various means outside of himself. I will make an outline of the story and note where I can show his action has having a clearer cause and affect. 

Besides the readers notes, I am using questions from “Save the Cat” to identify issues in the current script. The questions boil down to: 

1) Does my hero lead the action? Is he proactive and fired up by a desire or goal?

2) Are my characters talking the plot rather than letting the action be seen?

3) Is the bad guy bad enough? Does he offer my hero the right kind of challenge? Do they both belong in this movie? 

4) Does my plot move faster and get more intense after the midpoint? Is more revealed about the hero and bad guy as we come into the act 3 finale. 

5) Is my script one note emotionally? Does it need emotion breaks?

6) Is my dialogue flat? Does everyone talk the same? 

7) Do my miner characters stand out from each other, especially in the mind’s eyes. Are each unique in speech, look, and manner? 

8) Does the hero’s journey start as far back as it can go? Are we seeing the entire length of the emotional story?

9) Is it primal? Are they being driven on a primal desire: to be loved, to protect family, for revenge?

  The first two questions relate to what I’ve already reflected on. The third question, (about the bad guy) and seventh question (making minor characters unique) related to reader’s notes concerning my Reporters. I want to make them stand out from each other more and make them “badder.” Right now they are more of an annoyance to Calvin, not an actual force against him. “Save the Cat” suggests the antagonist be the opposite side of a coin to the protagonist. Since I am showing Calvin as hardworking and driven by helping others, I want to make the Reporters lazy and driven by money. They’d want to cut corners, manipulate people, and  show no remorse for how their headlines affect others. They only care about the money and fame. 

So yeah, I have a lot to work on. I can see how these edits will make the script stronger. This process also reinforces the rules of feature scripts in my mind, which will help me with my next script (which I’ve started outlining!). Just have to focus in and do the work.